I’ve been online dating for a few weeks. I’m on 3 different sites and having little to no luck mutually connecting with someone. One night before bed I decided to look one more time. Boy was I glad I did.
There he was. Handsome, great profile, beautiful eyes, great smile. Obviously a fireman based on his profile pics. And a liberal. Yes folks, there are liberal firefighters. Not many, but they exist. I sent him a “like” and was going to get ready for bed. He messaged me right back! A lot of down time at the fire house. We chatted for a few minutes and I told him I didn’t expect a response so quickly and I needed to go to sleep, and can we chat in the morning? Absolutely. Cool.
The next morning we started chatting, and then he decided to call. Yay! I really wanted to talk to him! It was a great conversation on his drive home from the fire house. I discovered he’s a Fire Captain; really is a liberal (more liberal than I am, I am more center-left); plays guitar and sings, in public and gets paid for it; has a really cool radio holster he invented for firefighters that is sold throughout the world; all his words are spelled correctly; uses the correct your/you’re; understands multi syllabic words; handsome, tall. Wow. Too good to be true. Why is he single I’m wondering? He asked the same of me. Touche. It was so cute. He took a selfie at work so I could see he was the same man as in his profile. He asked for one of me at work so I obliged and did the same (it’s actually the photo you see of me on my blog). We chatted frequently, made plans to meet on his next day off – 2 days away
Finally, after weeks online dating, I have an actual date and I’m excited to see him. I arrive early at the coffee house, order an iced tea (I don’t like coffee, don’t @ me) and wait. And there he is. Um. Huh. Well, I knew he wasn’t svelte by any means, but I didn’t expect such a large man. I have no problem dating a heavy man. I’ve done it before. I’ve actually dated many different varieties of men – tall, short, skinny, heavy, black, white, brown, etc. Many times I am attracted to the person, not just the package, as was the case with the Captain. So I wasn’t put off by his weight, just a little surprised. We had a great time. He kept telling me how beautiful I am, how sexy I am, how he can’t believe how lucky he is, etc. I will admit that as I get older, I’ve gotten somewhat better looking, but I’ve never been beautiful. Cute, yes. Pretty, sometimes. Never beautiful. It was wonderful to hear! And he really does have the most beautiful eyes and smile. He wanted to take “our first selfie.” I love that romantic shit.
The next day was Saturday. Most Saturday evenings I go to a local bar called the Hut for a Grateful Dead tribute band called Top Dead Center, who is a good band in their own right. Although I am not a Dead fan per se, I love to dance and can totally just be in my own little dancing world if I want. I have a lot of friends that go there as well. I liked the Fire Captain enough to invite him to join me. We opted for an early dinner of Mexican food and then to the Hut.
Something you should know about me is I like to dress well for whatever the circumstance is. I don’t always “dress up,” but I wear nice looking clothes, I take pride in my appearance and I like to look my best. It’s partly my mother’s fault. She used to tell me that because I am a brunette, I had to look good from head to toe. Women who are blonde don’t have to worry about it because men will notice their hair 1st and not see or care about much else. As a brunette, they will notice all of me so I always have to look good. Thanks mom. I’ve gotten over it somewhat – I can go out in public without make up on, although I don’t like to; I’ll actually wear gym shorts and a t-shirt out of the house for other than just walking the dogs, a few other small victories over my mothers’ teachings.
Now, you have to understand, I realize what I did next was stupid. I won’t ever do it again with someone I don’t know well. He wore a t-shirt and shorts to our 1st date. I asked him if I need to suggest he wear a collared shirt to go out on a Saturday night. He did not like that. I totally understand. If someone did that to me I wouldn’t like it either. Like I said, I won’t do it again. Anyhow, he’s a t-shirt and shorts guy, he’ll dress up if he has to, etc. I backed off. I apologized, told him I didn’t know how important it is to him, of course he can wear what he wants. He said he likes that I take pride in how I look, but doesn’t feel it’s necessary for him to make an effort to dress nicer when out with me. Okay, so be it. No biggie. We chatted through it. Or so I thought. All of a sudden he says that it’s a “HUGE RED FLAG” that I’m too controlling and wants nothing to do with me. I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. I tried calling him to talk about it, but he refused. Haven’t talked to him since. If it were me, I would have been concerned, but would have taken more time to see if the other person really is that controlling or if was that just an aberration. Not the Fire Captain. I get no 2nd chance. I was flabbergasted, honestly in shock for a few days that someone with whom I connected so well could so easily walk away for something like that.
Looking back, I know perhaps why he is single. He did the right thing, he just did it the wrong way. If he will so quickly fly off the handle over something so easily worked through, who knows what would have happened with more important issues. It’s too bad, I really liked him.