After I wrote my last post “Second Semester,” I got a text from Dan the schoolteacher. It was a week after my last communication with him which had been a few days into the new year. We proceded to chat via text briefly and then agreed to dinner the following Tuesday. I sent him a message the Friday before our scheduled date. For our dinner date Tuesday, he had suggested a restaurant I didn’t really care for. Although I have tried lots of different kinds of food, including escargot once (ew by the way), I am a picky eater. He decided it was best if I picked the restaurant. He’s probably right about that. I felt kind of bad about poo-pooing his restaurant suggestion so my message was giving him a choice between four that I like.
I was surprised I didn’t hear back from him with his choice of restaurant. Before our previous two dates he had confirmed date, time and place. Not this time. Tuesday came and went with no word from Dan. I was okay with that. I was miffed just because it’s rude, but I wasn’t disappointed. Then I heard from him this morning. Mind you this is a week after our scheduled 3rd date and ten days since my last message to him. Seriously? This time he didn’t text me even though we’ve mostly communicated by text before. He sent his message via the dating site (Plenty of Fish). Some may not think anything of that small detail, but I know texting is much faster. It’s leaving it to chance when I’d see his message on the site. It’s a chicken shit move and the least personal way to communicate. This is what he wrote:
“Robbye, I am so sorry about last Tuesday. My life got a little crazy and I thought I texted you. When I didn’t hear back I thought I insulted you by not being able to keep the appointment. But when I checked through my text history, I see I must not have fully pressed ‘send’ — that’ll do it. Please accept my sincere apology.”
I have on occasion thought I sent a text but didn’t hit “send.” It happens. However, it’s never happened in a situation where I had plans with someone and didn’t check to see if I heard back from them for a week after a planned meeting. The following is the subsequent exchange of messages:
My response to his message… “[Dan], I appreciate the apology. I understand thinking you sent a text but never hit ‘send.’ That you didn’t check for a week and a half since my last text, and a week after our planned ‘appointment’ indicates you’re not really interested enough to continue. I wish us both luck in our searches.” Yes, I know I wasn’t really interested either, but at least I didn’t blow him off.
His reply… “I was thinking the same thing about you not really being interested during the holidays when I had time and you did not. Not only didn’t want to get together, but also didn’t want to talk. I does hurt a little that you write me off now that I have been busy handling personal challenges.” Yes, it was “I does hurt…” Just trying to show it exactly as it is. He and I never talked on the phone, not once. And I’m sorry but it’s more than a little self-centered to say “…during the holidays when I had time and you did not,” and the “you did not” never registered with him.
My final message… “[Dan], I’m sorry. I didn’t set up a date over the holidays because I knew I wouldn’t be able to do anything. Along with other things, my twin brother and his wife and daughter were here from Vermont. You agreed to a specific day and time then never followed up, didn’t cancel, just blew me off until the following week. I’d prefer not to persue this any longer. I wish you all the best.”
I understand shit happens. Not that much shit that it takes a week to get back to someone. More than once. I’ll never understand why it’s so difficult for men – some men anyhow – to take one minute, just 1 flipping minute to send a text. It’s a total lack of caring and respect. Poor communication is one of my biggest complaints in general, and with men specifically. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you can’t, just say so. Take 5 minutes to call or a few moments to text. It’s not that hard.
I have to admit my heart just isn’t in this right now. People tell me to enjoy it, but I am weary of online dating. As you know, there hasn’t been much for me to enjoy. The men on the sites blend together, one into the next. There’s not a single one I’m really interested in. I’m growing weary of trying with men I meet or potentially meet in person too. I have a few friends who have told me about someone who might be interested in me. When they see my photos or read my bio, they’re not interested. I’m told I’m better looking in person than in photos. I realize I’m not every mans’ cup of tea, and I’m not very photogenic, but still. Last week a man literally ran into me at the grocery store. He was cute, no wedding ring. A quick exchange and he was off. Nothing. It would be a great story to tell people how we met – we literally ran into each other at Safeway – but no.
So where do I go from here? I just don’t know. I guess we’ll all find out together!