I haven’t been on a date with a man I met online in 2 months. I’ve expressed interest in quite a few men over that time. And there is lots of interest in me, mostly from men who are “aw hell no.” A few good ones I’ve connected with here and there, but nothing ever developed from our chats. I’ve run into quite a few scammers. It’s beyond frustrating and discouraging.
Finally, a week and a half ago I met a man online with whom there is mutual interest. We chatted for a few days, and eventually made a plan to meet on our next mutually available day almost a week away. We continued to chat a little over the next few days. I learned he used to work in the Treasury Department, was on the Secret Service detail for both Reagan and Mondale for 6 months each. He is currently a retired federal narcotics agent, hence his name “The Fed.” I told him that might be a problem as I have a lot of hippie friends that smoke pot. He said he left that behind with the job and his son has his card so it’s not a problem. Cool.
I was getting tired of texting so I asked him to call me. He agreed. We tried to arrange a block of time during which we would both be available for a decent length conversation. I was leaving it up to him and he never called. As you may recall from a previous post, if I don’t have any desire to talk to a man on the phone I probably don’t have any desire to see him in person. I was worried this was the case with him. I didn’t ask him why he didn’t call, I assumed he had his reasons. I made sure to reconfirm our date.
The day arrives. I’m a little nervous, but not too much. I like to be early and I was. As I was walking from my car I see a man pull in to the same area I’m parking and he looks kinda like the man in the pictures. It was indeed The Fed. We both tend to park farther away than most people. I don’t know why he does, but I do it for the exercise. And we both arrived at the same time, about 10 minutes early.
His profile says he’s 5′ 11.” As he’s getting out of his truck, it’s fairly obvious he’s not that tall. I am 5′ 5″ and was wearing 3 inch heels and I was as tall as he is. Alright, it’s something kind of benign to lie about, and many men do lie about their height in the profile to generate more interest. Okay, still not too short and not a deal breaker. I’m learning to look at the worst profile picture as a better representation of what a man looks like. Do you think I did that in this case? No, of course not. He looked somewhat like his pictures, but not as cute in real life. That’s disappointing, but maybe his personality will encourage me. Then he starts to talk and it’s clear why he didn’t want our first conversation to be on the phone – he has a pretty pronounced lisp. I don’t have a problem with a lisp, I have one sometimes with certain words, but that may have given me a bad 1st impression. I totally understand.
The next part I didn’t understand. He thanked me for showing up. The last woman he was supposed to meet never showed up. Are you kidding me? Ladies, don’t do that. At least have the courtesy to cancel the date, come up with an excuse, show up and make a rapid departure, act like a crazy person, something. Don’t just stand him up.
We sat down, ordered drinks and started talking. After a while we ordered some appetizers to share. I eat a salad almost every day. That being said, I like to eat. We ordered appetizers to share: chicken skewers, pretzels with cheese and mustard, and mozzarella sticks. I love mozzarella sticks. He was surprised I was eating real food and not a salad. So I told him what I tell any man – a girl’s gotta eat. And I did.
We were having good conversation for about an hour and a half. Then it was time to go. After several offers, he refused to allow me to pay the tip, insisting on paying the whole bill himself. He said when he asks a woman out it’s his responsibility. I reminded him he didn’t really ask me out, we just mutually agreed to meet. I don’t expect a man to pay for everything unless that’s agreed to in advance. I was fully prepared to pay at least the tip, but he refused. And I am very appreciative whenever anyone picks up the bill.
He is probably the most “normal” man I’ve ever been on a date with. I hate to use the word “average,” but that’s what he was. Perfectly nice, good conversation, but unfortunately there is nothing very remarkable about him. More importantly, no sparks. No real attraction on my part, no real desire to see him again as anything other than a friend. I always hate having to tell a man “I’m sorry, but I think we’re better suited as friends.”
I’m still waiting for a real connection with someone I meet online. I surprisingly found one with a real live man I met in person a month into my online dating experience. I might share a little about that in a future post, but I promised him I wouldn’t share details. If I’m ever able to, you’ll hear about one of the best dates I’ve ever been on. It culminated with a kiss that coincided with fireworks, well 1 random firework.