Although I am pretty much done with online dating, I periodically peruse the dating websites. Sometimes I send a few messages, I get a few messages back, but nothing has come from it. The interactions, or lack thereof, made me realize why I got off the sites to begin with. I’m done with Plenty of Fish. They had a feature that would let the user hide their profile until ready to browse and look for matches. I would periodically unhide mine to see if there’s anyone new. They took away that feature so I ended my account. I’m solely on Tinder now. They have the best free features of the remaining sites and considering my lack of success I doubt a different site would yield better results. I’ve already tried 5. There’s not that many men in Tucson.
I’ll never understand why/how many men have fantasies about seeing their woman with another man. For me, the thought of my man with someone else is awful. I don’t understand people who like to be tied up either because oh hell no. But lots of people like it. Frankly I’m sure I like a few things other people wouldn’t understand. I suppose it’s not necessary for me to understand why they or I like what we like, it just is.
Anyhow, I started chatting with a man from Plenty of Fish (before I deleted my account of course) who is gorgeous, at least in his pictures he is. Very quickly he gave me his email address. I’ve learned that usually means they either want to exchange p and p pics, or at least show me his junk. So I messaged him that I wasn’t interested in exchanging p and p pics, I’m looking for something more meaningful. He wrote back that he is too, but why not have fun along the way. He asked me to tell him a fantasy of mine. I told him I’m not sharing anything that intimate with a stranger. He then proceeded to tell me one of his fantasies. When he’s out of town he wants me to flirt and mess around with one of his friends and then tell him about it when we’re having sex when he gets back. No. Nuh uh. No way. Not gonna happen. I told him I wouldn’t be able to accommodate his fantasy and we stopped communicating. He’s not the only man I’ve met that has expressed something similar, although most who like that sort of thing want to watch their woman with another man. Yeah, I don’t get it either.
I started a convo with someone who I was pretty sure was a scammer because his pics were too perfect. We exchanged some messages and he seemed ok. Then he asks how long I’ve been on the site and what has been my experience. I told him I’ve been doing it “for a while. Lots of scammers, weird dudes, married men.” He deleted our conversation and connection. I knew it. Scammer. I’ve decided that when I feel like it I’m going to mess with the scammers, pretend that I’m falling for the bullshit. I don’t know if I’ll have the patience or energy to go all the way to the inevitable “but I wired you the money” stage. It might be fun once in a while.
The next scammer I encountered did the same things the others do: over compliment me, didn’t share any of his personal information, told me he wants a serious relationship with someone he can love forever and he hopes it’s with me, what am I looking for on the site, how long have I been online dating, etc. They are basically checking to see how vulnerable and gullible I am. It’s really sad that some women fall for it, but if you’re lonely I can see the appeal of all the flattery. In my experience the real men have completely different, much more “normal” conversations. I wasn’t in the mood to play the game, so when he asked me if I’m also looking for a serious relationship I told him “Oh yes! And I’m also looking for a man with a big cock and a big bank account so he can fuck me up the ass and then take me shopping. Do you have a big cock?” I made myself laugh and laugh. He deleted our match and conversation. Mission accomplished.
I got a message from a match on Tinder. The message was “Morning.” That’s it. I replied “Indeed it is 😁.” What am I supposed to say to the least amount of effort? I guess he could have said “hi,” that would be the least amount of effort. I didn’t hear back. That’s okay, he clearly has no sense of humor. Then fully 2 weeks later he messages me “Let’s have some fun.” Keep in mind Tinder isn’t really a hookup site anymore. It’s mostly like the other dating sites. Maybe he wanted to go to a movie, or hiking or something other than just sex so I asked him “What did you have in mind?” He messaged back “What do you have in mind?” I didn’t respond because I had absolutely nothing in mind. It clearly says in my profile “No hookups, FWB, piece on the side, and I’m not joining you and your polyamorous whatever (just not my thing).” Maybe he has a reading comprehension problem.
So here I am, a year and a half after I started online dating and I’m basically where I started from. I’m still seeing one of the men I met in person, and I’m still getting absolutely nowhere with online dating. It seems like it was such a pointless waste of time and money, but I feel I had to try. It’s worked for a lot of people. Finding someone any other way is infinitely more difficult during a pandemic. Sometimes I’ll see a man who might be attractive, but because we’re all wearing masks it’s impossible to tell for sure. Sometimes we’ll have a mutual stare and then continue on our separate ways. And because we’re all wearing masks, I guess the upper third of my face isn’t appealing enough for a second glance from most of the men whose eye I’ve tried to catch. So I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I likely won’t find anyone soon that I’d like to regularly date. I’d rather be single than settle or be with the wrong man.
You’re probably wondering about the man I met in person that I keep mentioning that I’ve been seeing for a year and a half. He doesn’t want me to write about him in my blog. I promised him I wouldn’t and I never will without his permission. Above all else he and I are friends. I don’t think it’s sharing too much to say he is a great guy. We are very close and have a lot of fun together. I knew from the start that for several reasons he doesn’t want a committed relationship with me or anyone else. We’re both okay with how things are, so I accept and enjoy what we have while we have it.
I titled my blog as I did because I hoped I’d eventually need to transition from dating to other topics. I even had/have hope a boyfriend would allow me to write about our relationship, even if just a little. It doesn’t appear that’s going to happen anytime soon so I’m going to find other things to blog about and I hope you enjoy it. I’ll of course keep you updated if anything happens on the man front.