You might think it doesn’t get cold in Tucson. You would be wrong. It doesn’t get too much below freezing often, but it does happen at least a few times each winter. We regularly get lows in the 30’s. Even with plenty of cold nights and a few cold days here and there, I have an inordinate number of coats for someone who lives in the desert. I don’t know why. Robbye, why are you telling us this!?! There’s a reason, I promise.
For our second date Dan the schoolteacher and I met at one of my favorite Mexican food restaurants called Casa Molina. I was early, so I got a margarita at the bar and waited until he arrived. You may recall an earlier second date with “Joe” when we went for Mexican food after a hike. I drank a large margarita too fast and was overly chatty. I was determined to not do that again. In addition, I was driving so I asked the bartender to go a little easy on the tequila. Dan arrived about 10 minutes later. We found a table and he ordered a beer.
The conversation was going well enough that we shooed the server away several times before finally ordering dinner. Determined to not get overly chatty I sipped my margarita. I probably should have drank that a little faster. Perhaps because we were both tired, about the time the food arrived the conversation had started to lag. Usually two people who don’t know each other well but are interested in the other person have no problem finding things to talk about. When I’m interested in someone I want to know about them, their life, their experiences, their likes and dislikes, and conversation rarely lags. That it did so, and so soon was not a good sign. However, I hoped it was an abberation and agreed to a 3rd date. Dan paid for our 1st date so I paid for this one.
The time came to leave. That night it was cold. Not freezing, but very cold and windy. I wanted to kiss him to see if there were any sparks. The problem was that even though I wore one of my warmest coats I was still quite cold (I told you there was a point). Dan forgot to grab a jacket before he left in the morning and he hadn’t yet been home after work. He was really, really cold. Cold overruled desire and we left. He later texted me that he really wanted to kiss me and I expressed the same sentiment. Next time we said. That was the week before Christmas. We communicated over Christmas, but I was hesitant to arrange a 3rd date just yet. However, I assured him I’d like another date but had a lot going on.
There are years when the holidays are fun for me. For reasons I’m not going into right now, there are years when they are not. This year was not. I felt I wanted to see Dan again and give it another chance. At the same time I didn’t feel any spark. I had no burning desire to see him again, or communicate with him often, or have long phone conversations. Between that and my general holiday difficulties I didn’t wholeheartedly want to set up a 3rd date. Additionally, my twin brother and his family were going to be visiting from Vermont over new year’s and I wasn’t going to take time away from them – I rarely get to see them. I joke with my brother that he could have moved a little farther away, like Maine.
I sent Dan a “happy new year” message new year’s day – only a week after our last communication – with the goal of setting up another date. Even with the lack of a spark I wanted to give it one more try. I did not hear back. Humpf. A few days later I sent another message. I have yet to hear back. Humpf. Perhaps he realized that if I was REALLY interested in seeing him again I’d make time to see him. Perhaps he was miffed I hadn’t communicated with him in a week. I didn’t feel it was necessary to tell someone I barely know that I was having a rough time over the holidays, which is one of the reasons I hadn’t contacted him. Maybe he met someone he is more interested in, or perhaps he just changed his mind. Regardless, I’ve been ghosted. Irritating but not disappointing.
Now I have to decide if I want to continue online dating. As you know from my previous post, I was considering canceling my subscription to Match. I have been discouraged about the lack of progress. I know dating sites do work. My twin met his amazing wife on Match. Two good friends met on Plenty of Fish. I have a customer at work who had given up on finding someone and she met her eventual husband on Match. I hadn’t seen her since I started online dating and she came into work a week ago. I mentioned to her I was on Match and not having any luck. She said to give it time, it took her a year to find the man who became her husband. I had already decided to cancel my subscription, but Match offered me 50% off for another 6 months. Keeping in mind the success of my brother and my customer at work, I took that offer. I’m still on Plenty of Fish. Between the two I will hopefully have more dates. We shall see.