When I started online dating in July I didn’t expect to have an actual boyfriend or long term relationship at this point. I had hoped I would have someone I liked enough to take with me to the formal New Year’s Eve event I was attending again this year.
New Year’s Eve is mostly a couples night. New Year’s Eve 2015 I spent alone at home because my emotionality abusive alcoholic ex (EAAE) was passed out before I even got to his house from work at 6:30 p.m. I don’t remember what I did NYE 2016 or 2017. It was obviously unremarkable. I very likely stayed home. NYE 2018 I went to a formal event at a Country Club. I have a dear friend who invited me to go with her and her husband and 5 other couples. I had just started being interested in men again. The man who made me want to start dating just wasn’t an option. I hadn’t yet met anyone else. I did not have a date. The group of people I went with are a lot of fun. They took good care of me and never once made me feel like a 3rd, or 13th wheel as it were. I was hoping I wouldn’t be the only person at the party who didn’t have a date. I had hoped there might be 1 or 2 single men around my age attending the same party. If there were any there I didn’t see them.
The New Year’s Eve party I attended at the Country Club last year was my first black tie event. I’ve been to many formals, but never black tie. I was frankly very nervous about going. I’m usually anxious when facing unknown or new situations. This one doubly so. This is a fancy event at an exclusive country club. Would I fit in? At the time I knew only a few of the people I was going with. Would the rest of the group like me? Was my dress appropriate? I did my own hair and nails. Would people notice? I didn’t want to stand out because I looked like I didn’t belong. As it turns out I was stressed about nothing. I was dressed appropriately. Hair and nails were fine, and no one would really notice anyway. I was with a great group of people, 4 of whom I already knew, the other 8 were new to me. It didn’t matter. They took my dateless ass into their fold and I had a great time.
Fast forward to NYE 2019. From what you know about my online dating struggles, you can likely guess I went without a date. Again. I wasn’t as nervous about my dress and hair and such so the anxiety level this year was definitely lower than last year, but I can always find something to stress about. The worry gene was passed down from my grandmother to my mother to me. Thanks ladies. This year I was hoping they wouldn’t be disappointed that I couldn’t remember some of their names. There were also 2 new couples in the group. So 8 couples, my friends stepson who I had not previously met, and me. I’ve historically been bad at remembering names. I’ve been actively working on it and I’m getting better, but how was I going to remember them all?
As usual I was worried about nothing. You would think I’d have learned by now that worrying is silly, but you would be incorrect. I’m a work in progress. Some of the group from last year forgot my name, and they were all perfectly fine with me having to become familiar with them again. The new people were just as awesome as the rest of the group. And I remembered everyone’s name, eventually. From other visits to Tucson I’ve come to know better several of of the women in the group, amazing women I was glad to see and spend time with. The group was just as fun as I remember.
All in all it was a good night. Formal but not stuffy. Wine and liquor flowing. Fun fact: I prefer red wine, but when I go out I typically drink white. Why? Because I’m a klutz and I tend to spill. White is way easier to clean. Anyhow, there was lots of good food, great company, and fun music to dance to. In my every day life I spend a lot of time with friends who are couples. Not once have any of them ever made me feel unwelcome or intrusive. My NYE group was no different. All the couples live in another state and they know each other well, but I never felt excluded. Until midnight. It wasn’t their fault. They tried to get me on the dance floor for the balloon drop, but they were all on the dance floor with their spouse. I wasnt going to be by myself on the dance floor when everyone else was kissing their spouse at midnight. I sat at the table trying to pretend it didn’t matter. I don’t think I was very convincing.
We left when the DJ stopped and they turned the lights on. Some in the group were disappointed. I was glad to go. I typically have trouble sleeping, but the previous night was bad. 4 hours of sleep and a migraine. The migraine meds I took that morning had confined the pain to the back right portion of my head. I got only a quick nap before I had to get ready to go. As you can imagine, I was pretty tired when 1 a.m. came. We went back to my friends’ house. I ordered a Lyft (I prefer Lyft over the other ride sharing companies, just a personal choice) and reluctantly said my goodbyes. I was simultaneously eager to go home and go to bed and loathe to do so because I don’t get to see these people very often. My older dogs’ bladder won. My Lyft arrived and I left. My driver was very cute. We got to talking and I told him how I didn’t have a date for the event. He said he would have been my date! I’m sure he was just being nice. He was maybe late 20’s. Although I don’t look my age, I am 52. But it was nice of him to say and nice to hear.
I have 364 days to find a date for next year (2020 is a leap year). Wish me luck!