I will be posting blog entries that include subjects not related directly to online dating. Hence “musings on life, the universe… and dating.” This is one of those posts.
Warning: explicit language.
In my first post I mentioned that I had met a man that I wanted to date, but he is not dating material. About that same time I met another man I wanted to date. I’ll call him “Marvin.”
Out enjoying a band and dancing with friends one night, I saw a man by himself. He wasn’t really paying attention to anyone, just dancing and enjoying the band. It’s a great band, “Key Ingredients of African Soul.” What I call happy music. But I digress. I asked one of my friends if he is cute and she said yes (my eyesight at night isn’t always the best and it’s a fairly dark place). Having no interest in men for 2 years left me rusty and unsure. I was a big fat chicken and only met him because my friend shoved me toward him so we’d dance together. We exchanged phone numbers and he contacted me the next day. Long story short, it turns out Marvin is not dating material either. He’s married. I’ll give him credit for telling me right away. His wife (according to him) is a raging alcoholic. When she’s drinking, he goes out dancing by himself. Here’s the thing about Marvin, although he is really not very good at it, he loves to dance to almost anything, and so do I. It’s so hard to find a man who likes to dance to more than 1 or just a few types of music. So while he’s not dating material, he is dancing material. When his wife is drinking, we go out dancing. When she’s sober, we don’t. We aren’t dating, aren’t even really good friends. We dance and we flirt (because it’s fun). We both know the ground rules, or at least I thought we did.
I hadn’t heard from him in a while, and he randomly showed up where I was celebrating my birthday. He wanted to go home with me. What the hell? No! We don’t have that kind of relationship and he knows it. He spent much of the next morning trying to cajole me into letting him come over. Apparently his wife was out of town so he had a “free pass.” Uh, no you don’t. When he realized that wasn’t going to happen, he got mean saying things like we’ve been out enough times I owe him, I’m a tease (I’m not), I’m all talk (I’m not), etc. Fuck that. He was still giving me shit the day after that, trying to make it all my fault. Nope, nuh uh, I don’t think so. I told him to read back through his texts from yesterday and leave me the fuck alone. He did, well he read back through his texts. He did not leave me the f alone. Several days later, he contacted me. Marvin apologized profusely, promised he wouldn’t again pressure me for sex, and will abide by our original arrangement: dancing and flirting (because it’s fun). I accepted his apology because that was totally out of character for him, and because I really need someone to go out dancing with. He knows this is his only chance to keep his dancing partner. We’ve gone dancing 3-4 times since.
The last time we went dancing he again pressured me for sex. I called his bluff. I told him follow me home and I’d fuck him. I figured he wouldn’t go through with it, and I knew I wasn’t going to. Sure enough, he turned around and went home. Go home to your wife Marvin. No wonder she drinks…
It’s been a while since that happened and I haven’t heard from him. Good boy. Marvin is likely embarrassed I called his bluff, and he knows I probably don’t want to hear from him (he’s right), or at least I thought he’d know. Last night he shows up to the place I go almost every Saturday evening “shocked” that I’m there. He’s been there with me before, and he’s “shocked” to see me there. Don’t get me wrong, he’s got a slammin’ body especially for a man his age (60), always dresses really well, and is cute as hell, but seriously? He’s been a total dick to me on more than one occasion. He weirdly cries at the drop of a hat. And if that weren’t enough, he’s really not very smart. That should be obvious by the fact he just didn’t get it that he can’t pressure me for sex. But it’s other things like he almost never gets the correct your/you’re, or there/their/they’re. It’s dumb luck when he gets it right. We all know how much I like that.
And then there’s the part where he loves to dance to anything… By virtue of him backing down when I called his bluff, I now have the power in our dynamic. I might still go out dancing with him. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about Marvin. To be continued…